Narcissism is the act of forcing one’s own Identity onto another and/or forcing one’s identity onto your self, supplanting your own identity. I call this “Story Theft” as a Victim’s “story” or “Life” is discreetly stolen by the Damsel in Distress. This is a Mental Illness that is highly contagious and uses our Mirror/Mimic Repetition learning centers in our brain to train the Victim to become a Narcissist, passing down the behavior from Abuser to Victim while under the guise of Kindness, Friendships, or Lover.
Like a Psychological Trojan Horse that presents as “friend” or a vulnerable invalid that requires help, while the Narcissist Psychologically Enslaves the Victim via Emotional Strategy to obtain a desired result or response.
The more exposed an individual is to Narcissism, the more they become a Narcissist.
Self-Identity Displacement Disorder or SIDD
This is Stage #1 of Narcissism or Identity Displacement Disorder. Self-Identity Displacement Disorder is when an individual Internalizes another’s Identity, supplanting their own Identity with another. This is often a Symptom of Narcissism (Identity Displacement Disorder), and results in the “Super Hero” becoming a “Damsel In Distress” who needs saving. Depression and Addiction are common symptoms of SIDD and can last throughout all the stages of Narcissism.
Other Symptoms are no or poor boundaries, over-internalization resulting in displacing one’s Identity with others, self-loathing, inability to regulate fear, over helpful, Avoidant behavior, a lack of problem solving, Fear of Conflict, Fear of Disappointment, Fear of Abandonment, People Pleasing. Suicidal Ideation. Inability to identify one’s own value or self-worth. Struggle to identity one’s resourcefulness. Little to no self-confidence.
A severe aversion and/or Fear of Change, the Unknown, and/or Discomfort are common resulting in The Super Hero going to great lengths to prevent Discomfort.
Post Enslavement Defacement Disorder or PEDD
Post Enslavement Defacement Disorder (often referred to as Borderline Personality Disorder or an “Empath”), is Stage #2 of Narcissism, when the “Damsel In Distress” toggles between Self-Identity Displacement, The Super Hero, and also forcing their own Identity onto others. Depression and Dissociation are common Symptoms of SIDD. The Super Hero, for a prolonged period of time, can become enslaved via Psychological Entrapment by the Damsel In Distress, which is often perceived as “Stockholm Syndrome.” In the worst of cases, PEDD evolves into Domesticated Enslavement and House Arrest by the “Damsel In Distress.”
In addition to the symptoms from Stage #1, SIDD, individuals also develop, Paranoia, panic, Projection of the Identity onto others, Control of others via Emotional outbursts, possible threats or self-harm to the self (this appears in the later stages as IDD sets in). A lack of trust in self-and others, love bombing, emotional flooding, associates “being loved” with “needing and being served” by others and “being loved” with “being saved.” Highly dependent upon the nurturing of others. Does not believe they can take care of themselves. People pleasing, fear of abandonment.
They strongly believe that they are “bad” for others and being loved by others harms those they love. This is because, although they don’t know it, they can feel the toxic traits of Narcissism setting in. They can feel manipulation starting and growing inside of them, but because of their good intentions (and they are good), they often undermine themselves, self-loathe, while others console them, reassuring them that they are not manipulative, when, in fact, they are.
There is a subtle stage that can last for years where the “Super Hero” can sense and feel the manipulation starting. This battle is arduous for the Super Hero to endure and where self-loathing and their ethical honesty begins to warn their system of the toxicity in their behavior. Due to a lack of knowledge and education, the Super Hero ends up fighting this internal battle in silence while they weigh their own Ethical behavior, which can be the source of their Self-Loathing. Deep down, they know how their emotionally behavior affects others, which they use to soothe themselves, and this fills them with guilt.
They push others away. They often run away and claim abandonment. Discards people before they can be discarded. Will not accept their own limitations. Isolated and often alone.
Identity Displacement Disorder or IDD
Identity Displacement Disorder is “Full-Blown” Narcissism where the Damsel In Distress ultimately expunges the Identity of their Victim (The Super Hero) while forcing their own Identity in place of their own. This is the Stage when the “Super Hero” adopts the full behavior of Damsel In Distress. This is Stage #3 of Narcissism, Identity Displacement Disorder. Individual’s with Final Stages of IDD may have multiple “Super Hero’s” taking care of them.
Paranoia and obsession for control to prevent betrayal from others is prevalent. Threats are common. Aggression replaces the The “Damsel In Distress” who only returns when the “Super Hero” becomes disobedient. Fear is often used as a form of terrorism.
I cannot begin to emphasize the severity of Paranoia at this stage. Paranoia is a severe lack of trust, fear, and hyper-vigilance for threats and danger. Paranoia almost always presents in a severe need to control people and/or the environment. Hoarding, PTSD, and imprisonment are common symptoms.
In the most extreme of cases, Stage #4, control presents in forms of violence, rage, rape, torture, threats, and homicide.
All The Stages of Narcissism in a Network
In Case Study #1, the Subject behaved as the “Super Hero,” while her mother was the “Damsel In Distress.” The subject’s Best Friend also, was a Damsel In Distress who the subject “swooped in to save.” While visiting her friend’s house, the BFF toggled between the Damsel with the Subject, and the Super Hero with the BFF’s own mother. This allowed the Subject to see her BFF switch between PEDD and IDD depending upon if she was around the Damsel or the Super Hero.
On the Inside, Narcissism looks like…
- I will say X to get this emotional response from him.
- I associate this emotional response with validation that he loves me.
- I test him to see if he provides the “correct” emotional response. That way I’ll know that he loves me.
- I feel panicked and paranoid that he’ll leave me.
- I am constantly looking to see if he will leave me.
- He needs to be on call 24/7 for my emotional needs and if he is not, then he does not love me.
- I need him on stand-by to provide constant comfort, reassurance, and support when I need it.
- I perceive any interaction he has, family, friend, opposite gender, with a threat to my time or attention from him.
- If he is not providing me with undivided attention, then he cannot possibly provide me with everything and anything I may need at any given time.
- The fear and panic of losing him causes me to control, spy, be vigilant, and watch him constantly to ensure his “loyalty” and “dedication” to my needs.
- I say things to hurt him as punishment so he will learn to not do those things to me again.
On the outside…
Narcissism sounds like kindness and gentleness in a tone, vulnerable sweetness, spoken with love and tenderness, while the words cut deep and cruel while being accusatory toward the partner.
The Narcissist presents as a vulnerable invalid, weak, and helpless, in need of a caregiver. While the “Super Hero” bends over backwards to ensure they are at beck and call to avoid the back lash of temper, hysteria, and chaos if they don’t.
On the Inside…
The Narcissist will project, accusing others of being a Narcissist. They will use secrecy to ensure the “importance and dire urgency” of the matter and say things like “They got to this person,” and “I think they got to you too.” They will say, “You need to get away from them.” The Narcissist will depict “The Narcissist” as a predator who maliciously lies, is violent, aggressive, deceptive, and highly manipulative.
Their lack of trust in others and their paranoia causes the “Divide and Conquer” and secret urgency seen by Narcissists.
While this is the case in some instances, this particular description of a Narcissist depicts only the final stage of Narcissism while completely overseeing and denying all the other and most early stages of Narcissism.
This “Monster” is a red herring that most Narcissists become vigilant to look for, completely unaware that they are the Narcissist because they do not know that Narcissism has multiple “stages” to it.
The Stages of Narcissism
The stage that is depicted above is the Late First Stage and the Early Second Stage.
The later Second Stage sees less kindness, more panic, more aggression. The Narcissist has multiple emergencies that require “saving.” The Narcissist associates “saving” with being loved.
The early first stage of Narcissism (the first 3 months of a relationship) is usually sweet, vulnerable kindness worn on the surface, hiding a trauma warrior underneath. They love bomb, are over grateful, and get caught on the Euphoric High of being “loved,” accepted, seen, visible, and, most of all, they are swept away on the Romantic Story of Being Saved by a Knight in Shining Armor.
They will romanticize how their “Super Hero” stepped in and saved them. The Romanticized Love is the focus and emphasis of the Narcissist.
The second stage of Narcissism, usually 3 months in, occurs when the “Super Hero” tries to back off or takes a break, which the Narcissist interprets as abandonment or a sign of loss or losing love, which sends them into the next stage of Narcissism.
The reason why professionals and civilians have not been able to identify Narcissism effectively is because Professional Psychologists describe Narcissism from observation on the outside, while Narcissists hide their condition through kindness and sweet vulnerability on the outside.
The Internet Community depicts Narcissist as the “Monster” and sends many Vigilantes on a wild goose chase, looking for a Monster that does not exist, and distracting from the true Narcissist who is, often, the Empath and/or Borderline Personality Disorder.
The Super Hero and Damsel In Distress exchange is so deceiving because the Damsel In Distress appears as weak, vulnerable, invalid, sweetly sugar coating venomous, vile words while presenting with gentle tender kindness. Internally, the Narcissist truly does mean well, but the Fear System has been trained to prioritize, hide, and imbed manipulative words to punish and control through emotional guilt, desperation, and high needs, which The Super Hero is already prone to provide.
Furthermore, the Damsel In Distress, projects everyone else except the Super Hero as a potential Narcissist, which, when completed, is the infamous “Divide and Conquer” tactic.
The Empath’s heightened emotional status is the core contributor to the Narcissist motivating the Empath to act with intent to avoid and/or mitigate emotional pain.
The final stage of Narcissism is Psychopathy, where the condition, at its worst, causes the Narcissist to adopt so much defensiveness, which turns toward aggression, that they remain in a permanent state of Psychopathic Narcissism. This is “The Monster” that the Internet Community describes in detail.
The Initial Point of Entry “The Abuser’s Door”
How to resolve Narcissism in yourself
Education, Awareness, and Personal Rules and Laws (Boundaries) that the Narcissist enforces on themselves.
- Slow down. Urgency, Speed, and Secrecy are the three traits that trigger an Episode.
- I am not allowed to be the Damsel In Distress.
- I need to be my own Super Hero.
- No one is allowed to save me.
- I do not require the attention or time of others.
- I will not seek out Emotional Validation from others.
- I will become hyper-protective of the Perspectives of others, ensuring that I am careful with my words so as to not harm others.
- I acknowledge that my words and emotions are the “weapons” that I use against others to sight response from them.
- I will hold myself accountable via self-honesty about my deeper intentions when I speak and interact with others.
- Self-Discipline, Self-Regulation, and Learning how to manage your Fear is the starting point.
- Manage your Comfort Zone and use Exposure Therapy under the guidance of a therapist to increase your tolerance for Discomfort.
- Know your Self-Worth, your Self-Value, and define your Resourcefulness.
- Use Logic to prove to yourself that the past behavior is *NOT* the best predictor of future behavior because people change, they grow, and learn. This phrase assumes an individual is incapable of learning, education, and growth.
- Exercise Self-Compassion and encourage yourself to use boundaries to find the RIGHT people to trust again. Trust yourself to learn from your mistakes.
- Use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Mediation to train yourself to regulate your emotions so you can overcome your fear and problem solve.
Object Permanence and Object Placement
Trust was never internalized at the 3rd Stage of Ethical Perspective Growth. Trust allows us to rely on others and allows us to rely on our own observation and logical deduction skills. It allows us to put faith in others when our own limitations are reached or our own resources are depleted. Trust in others allows us to ask accept our own limitations and ask others for help. Trust in ourselves is the knowing, the proof of concept, that we can select healthy and safe people for our community. Trust in one’s own judgement is the foundation for trusting others.
Trust in ourselves begins with Knowing we are good people, knowing what we have (the 2nd Stage of Ethical Perspective Growth), what we value, what we love, what qualities define us, and knowing that we have the ability to self-regulate and discipline ourselves to overcome Fear, survive, and problem solve so we can confront Change, the Unknown, and Discomfort and still rise above these challenges.
To lack trust in the Self, leads to an individual becoming addicted to their comfort zone and being too afraid to leave their comfort zone, leading to feeling trapped and overwhelmed with anxiety.
These elements are all learned under the 1st Stage of Ethical Perspective Growth.
If an individual has an over-nurturing caregiver (The Super Hero AKA Helicopter Parent), discomfort is never experienced and the individual never has a chance to be tested on and learn self-trust. In this case, Discomfort is an Unknown. Avoidant Attachment Style is a result.
If the caregiver is neglectful (The Damsel In Distress), the individual becomes traumatized by discomfort, leading to a severe aversion to discomfort due to association by trauma. Anxious Attachment Style is a result.
If the Caregiver is a Binge-Purge Parent (Stage #2 of Narcissism where they toggle between Super Hero or Damsel In Distress), the child will develop Disorganized Attachment Style.
Either parenting type results in the Individual becoming a Hyper-Sensitive Person (HSP) or an Empath, already suffering at the hands of the Narcissist.