Upon the death or loss of our qualities, we enter into a prolonged grief. Depression. A pining of the self.
And upon its return, after the Healing, we revive our Quality and restore it. This too is a process that consists of an Emotional Pathway.
Much like the Stages of Grief, we see the following:
- Realization. The sudden epiphany that we are [insert Quality here]
- Shock and Awe. We are launched into a surprised state. Disbelief.
- The Inventory. We then ask the question, “How [quality] am I?”
And here is where the Stages of Quality Recovery differ from the Stages of Grief.
As you take Inventory of how much X you are, what develops is two points with which to measure the severity of your abuse: The Point of where you *Actually* are in comparison to where you *Believed* you were.
The greater the distance between these two points, the greater the quantity that you were abused. Now comes the Anger.
- Anger. – In relation to quantity of abuse done to you. For every action (Abuse), there is an equal and opposite reaction (Anger or Trauma). Yes. Or. Trauma happens when the Victim fails to get Angry and converts that Energy into Vocalization or Action about the offense, and the the Anger and Suppressed Energy manifests itself into Trauma.
- The Naming and Summation. – The summarized comprehension of your Newfound Quality.
- Exploration of the New Quality. As you delve deeper into the Great Unknown of your New Quality, you push the boundaries and rediscover what you are (and have always been) capable of.
- Epiphany and Realization. And then you hit the realization (again) of just how vast this New Quality is.
But this is where the Stages of Recovery differ yet again. As you explore this newly recovered Quality, the more you again realize and process just how abused you were to begin with.
- More shock. More Awe. As you uncover yet, another level of your new “super power.”
- More disbelief. Stunned disbelief at what you are really capable of.
- More Inventory. The gap between what you believed you were widens to a new level of “what you can do.”
- More Realization and Anger. The newly revised understanding of just how much you were abused sets in again.
This process will repeat as many times as it takes until you have reached the full expanse of your Newly Restored Quality. Until you fully stretch into your True Self. Until you reach the full limits of what it is you can (and always have been) doing.
- The Naming. You revise the original name to include the scope of your New Quality.
- The Summation. You re-summarize the abuse done to you.
- The “What would I be if they had never abused me?” and “Where would I be now if they hadn’t…”
- Depression. Grieving the lost Alternative Life you could have had.
- Acceptance. Of the the current situation and the adjusted realization as you embrace your Restored Quality.
Arrogance is common. Accepting the newfound Quality leaves you with doubt and insecurity. Embracing the quality, we over announce “Look what I did!” much like a 3 year old who drew a picture and seeks to boast their accomplishment to their mother who says, “Ooh! Good job!” And then posts it on the fridge with pride…
As adults, we are scolded for this and told “to get a dose of humility,” as others recommend humiliation to “knock us down a few pegs.”
Embrace the Arrogance. Allow the 3 year old in you to fill up with pride. Write down you accomplishments on the fridge and post them. Be the mother for yourself who says, “Ooh! Good job!” And fill yourself up with pride.
You must have an Indulgence in Arrogance. After all, you have had an Indulgence in Degradation and Humiliation all of your life. Once your “cup is full” with Arrogance… once you glutton yourself on Arrogance, then Empathy will “tip the scales” and you’ll integrate your Pride with Security and Self-Value. Empathy will cushion the arrogance within and Modesty and Unpretentiousness, the “fall” following the pride, will soon follow.