Love Is…

Emotional Management. Without this skill, Narcissism remains rampant, Addiction spirals out of control, Suicide can be a life-long struggle.

Emotions are powerful, Energy-infused bits of information designed by our Psyche and brain to keep us well managed, operated, and safe. And yet, little to no information, training, and knowledge is available.

When we receive a new emotion, we evaluate it within a fraction of time. If it is pleasant, we launch into celebration and joy. When it is unpleasant, that yields an entirely different story.

Unpleasant, the human person resists, avoids, controls, lashes out, shuts down… And this is not only the common practice, it is believed to be acceptable.

We hold no discipline or accountability of our emotions and how they may or may not affect others while others are adamant to “keep your emotions away from me.” Emotions have been weaponized against us, weaponized against others, suppressed, unwanted, attacked… How much longer does this have to go on before someone steps forward and says, “Here! This is the OFFICIALLY right way to work with your emotions.”

In my recent recovery of Narcissism, my relationship with emotions has had the most influence on this recovery. During the Narcissism I viewed my partner’s acceptance and knowledge of my emotions has acts and validations of love. “If you loved me, you would know and accept and want my emotions! You would value how I feel!”

Now, I see my emotions as having been weaponized against him by myself to gain a metric and validation on his feelings for me.

For now, we both have chosen to isolate and heal.

I have recently discovered Wisdom Love and am currently undergoing a new way of looking at Emotions. In Wisdom Love, my emotions are governed by Logic. 100% of my emotions are wanted by me. And they are a communication tool for me to determine precisely what I need to do to manage and maintain the upkeep of my Mental and Logical Health.

Technically, my emotions are not anyone’s business. They are not for anyone to use. They are not… anything really. They are useless to anyone else. Except me. Why, in hindsight, would I ever share these emotions? My Subconscious Mind delivers me messages in the form of Emotions all day, every day. They are bits of information that I require to execute my own actions to ensure my own operation of my health.

How much of this information should I pass on to others? How much should I disclose?

“How are you?” Is that question not the very inquiry on one’s own emotional state?

I think it all is a balance. Here is the good. Here is the bad. But never so bad that it affects or harms you for I value the preservation of your Self as much as I. Here is my good. Here is my bad, but never allow my bad to cause you harm for I value the preservation of your Self. I want to hear about your good. I want to hear about your bad. But never so much that it affects or alters my own Mental Health and/or Perspective.

And, in order to pull this off, one must master the discipline of authority and power in order to control the subtle art of just enough, but not too little and never too much. And should I have too much Mental, I need to return to my Comfort Zone where I manage my System in private so as to keep yours safe. Even from me.

Because, in all the years of my life, my greatest regret has been harming the ones I love. But also… being free to love and manage my Self love and Self Care while also providing you with Unconditional Belonging. It is the balance and the respect of your Mental Health and my Mental Health while also Nurturing you and Empowering my Self and ensuring your Psychological Space of Belonging.

Right now, I hurt. I ache with the grief and the pain of the loss of the delusion I have had all of my life. I grieve with the regret of having harmed someone I love deeply. I am angry. I hate. I rage on my Self. And it is imperative that I do this in private to preserve his Safe Space and his Mental Health and his Belonging.

The greatest rule of Self-Imposed Law that I have right now is that I say nothing to my partner (or loved ones) without first evaluating how my words and emotions may affect them. And, should there be doubt on how it may affect them, I say nothing.

“I had no idea that he loved me.”

I want to scream those words.

“None of my words would have harmed him if he didn’t love me! I thought he didn’t love me!”

I feel so powerless. I feel no control over my words or emotions. I feel like I have this power in me and I’ve thrown it all over the place. And the one most dear to me got hurt. And I am so angry. And now I can’t even talk to him without being certain I won’t hurt him. So all I can do is say nothing. And that hurts me more than anything! To hurt him or to not speak to him. This is the recovery of Narcissism.

I manifest the Discipline of my emotions and my words. I am determined to contain them.

So I ask again. How does one manage their emotions while being so close to someone who love?

For now, distance. And then… preventative emotional management.

Assume that he loves you… and that he loves you of his own free will.

Without any effort or work or coaxing from you. And because love is so foreign to you, you will have to learn how to recognize it. Love is without reason. It is to value without profit or gain. To love is to prioritize their Self-Love and Self-Care while also providing them with Unconditional Belonging so they can take care of themselves.

Love is encouraging them with support and guidance, but giving them the time and space for them to take care of themselves. All while you give them Unconditional Belonging.

And to do all of this without Profit or Gain. To do all of this while also giving them your Vulnerability regardless of how vulnerable you may feel. It is matching their vulnerability with yours and then submitting even more to ensure their safety.

This is love. This is how you heal. This is… hard.

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